What Makes This Mother Cry?
by V.V. Denman | @vvdenman
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This is Jessica.
She moved out of our house this weekend. A big U-haul truck took her away. Her freshly purchased garage sale furniture was packed neatly in the back, along with her favorite jeans, her Twilight books, and the rag doll her great-grandmother made for her first birthday. She has a job, a duplex, and soon will have a husband. She doesn’t need me any more.
This is Drew.
He just finished his freshman year at college. In the past nine months, he rarely called home. For fall break, he stayed on campus to study. He went on a mission trip over spring break. I hoped to spend more time with him this summer, but he left last week to work as a counselor at a Christian camp in a different state. He doesn’t need me either.
Am I sad?
Ha. I don’t think so!
I gave my husband a high-five as we kicked up our heels and danced around the living room. Two of our kids are independent, and it’s a good, good thing they don’t need us. All those sleepless, prayerful nights paid off. My work here is done.
On the other hand . . .
This is Dene.
He’ll be a senior in high school, starting college classes in the fall. He’s a leader in our church youth group and a killer on the basketball court. He wants nothing more than to join his big brother at college, but patiently tolerates his sisters in the meantime. At six-four, he towers over me but jokingly calls me Mommy. Occasionally, he needs me.
This is Jillian.
She’s going into seventh grade. That means make-up, boy-girl parties, and attitude. She’s kicking her way out of the cradle and into the car. She’s concerned with clothing, hairstyles, and music, and she’s thrilled to (finally) be getting her own room. She probably hasn’t thought about it, but she doesn’t want to need me.
This is Janae
She’s the baby of the family. Actually, she hasn’t been a baby in a long time, but she’ll still hold my hand in Wal-Mart. One more year in elementary school, then she’ll push into the teen years. She’s spent her entire life chasing Jillian, and soon she’ll run to catch up. She’s changing fast, but for now, she needs me.
Am I sad?
All. The. Time.
I’m not sad they’re growing up or even that they’re growing away from me. I’m sad because I struggle to give them what they need. In a world filled with distractions and busy-ness, it’s all too easy to put them off.
“Mom, can you braid my hair?”
“Not now. I’m working.”
“Later?”
“Please, stop interrupting me. I can’t type and talk at the same time.”
Usually I don’t notice when this happens, but when I crawl into bed at night, the video replays in my mind, and I regret my actions. And I’m sad.
I can do better.
Having the first two kids out of the house and on their own gives me comfort. They turned out all right in spite of me. Maybe I’m not irreparably damaging the other three.
Even though I’m occasionally a truly lousy mother, God makes up the difference, taking my feeble offering and multiplying it a hundred-fold. I don’t have to be perfect. In fact, I cannot be.
I need to improve, and seek wisdom, and beg forgiveness. But I must always remember: while I can do better . . .
God will do best.
,
Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed,
for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
.What makes you cry?
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Oh, we are so on the same track! What makes me sad is when I know I could have given them more of myself and I didn’t. Or when I see a fault in their character that I couldn’t help correct and they have to learn things the hard way. But like you said, the Lord has been faithful to make up for my lack. I don’t have to stress over my mistakes, I just have to confess them to the Lord and to my kids. Then I just pray, pray, pray. And usually that’s when I cry. For it is then that I am humbled knowing that Lord works in my kids in spite of me, not because of me.
Often I blame myself for my children’s shortcomings, feeling as though I could have molded them more carefully. It’s a challenge to remember that I’m just a tool. God is God. You said it well: “And usually that’s when I cry. For it is then that I am humbled knowing that Lord works in my kids in spite of me, not because of me.” Thanks, Anne!
I so needed to read this today. I have always looked up to you as I watched with your kids. You’re an awesome mom and you are so right on this one. A very good reminder to slow down, seek God as we try to be better moms, and let him fill in where we fall short. Thanks!
I’ve decided it’s something of a paradox. Even though we’re good mothers, we usually feel as though we’re not. And if we thought we WERE good mothers, then we probably wouldn’t be. Makes my head spin.
Glad you enjoyed the post, Emily. Thanks so much for your encouraging words. They mean a lot coming from you, because you’re a great momma too!
It is encouraging to know that someone else feels the same way Varina. I love “Even though I’m occasionally a truly lousy mother, God makes up the difference, taking my feeble offering and multiplying it a hundred-fold. I don’t have to be perfect. In fact, I cannot be.”
This and the scripture gives me comfort. I love your blog and I love you.
Oh, Janice. You just made this mother cry. Love you too!
Love this post! Every mother knows what you are talking about! I feel that way all the time.
Why do we spend so much time thinking about what we DON’T do, instead of what we DO? Us silly mothers. Thanks for stopping by, Cynthia. Good to meet you.
I love this post so much! I’m just starting out on my journey of motherhood and it’s comforting to see the fruitfulness that comes from having a family!
You’re such a good mother, Monica. Your sweetie is lucky to have you. Thanks for the encouragement today.
What makes me cry it the thought of childbirth FIVE times (you Wonder Woman!)…. But seriously, I thought this was a lovely post that truly demonstrates how much you love your children. Congrats on nurturing two responsible young people, and for the hard work you’re putting in with the last bunch!
Thanks, Melissa. It’s been a journey.
I’m just beginning and am finding a million ways I can mess up and a million ways I can do good. Thanks for sharing your reflections, because I learn so much from other mothers. Thank you.
Isn’t that the truth. What would we do without the help of those who have walked this road before? Have a great day, Stacy!